Our Son
by HugsandBugsSmileyface
Summary: "Um...Mom...Dad...Grandmother..." "Yes? What is it, Matt?" Sam asked. "Um...well...I have something I'd like to say..." he began. "Go on, dear..." Marissa encouraged. "I'm...gay." Matt said. Rated T for suicide attempt and cutting.


A/N: I GRADUATED YESTERDAY! To celebrate, a one-shot. This has nothing to do with graduation, though. Lol.

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.

Matthew had always been a very sensitive child. He was very much unlike his father, save for the fact he was a male and his last name was Benson. Other than that, he really was not like his father whatsoever. His father always had tried to get Matt into the things that he himself liked. Pear Technology, electronics, MMA fights...but Matt simply did not like sports. In fact, the things that he did like were not anything his father liked. Matthew Benson liked decorating, making arts and crafts, he didn't really like things that other boys his age liked. His best friend was one of his cousins, a girl, that would randomly dress him up in her clothes, since they were the same age.

Marissa Benson walked in on them playing one day and Matt was covered in make-up and was wearing his cousin's frilly outfits. He hasn't seen his cousin in awhile. He thought that everything would change when he went to school, but it has just gotten worse. He was horrible at school, whereas his father had excelled. He loved art class. It was one of his favorite classes. He didn't have any friends, really. He was constantly teased for being so effeminate.

The other kids would pick on him, push him around, call him horrible names, like faggot and queer. Matt just didn't seem to fit in anywhere. It was when the bullying got so horrible that he first thought about It. It was the day they actually beat him up and threw him into the girl's bathroom with Daniel Dayton, the school nerd. He was pretty banged up. He didn't know when, but it'd be soon if they didn't stop. It didn't stop, however, and the bullying actually worsened.

His grades, as a result, fell, and his hopes of ever pleasing his father fell with them. He remembers the day he met Alex with such clarity. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Alex was gorgeous. He was a bit of a prissy boy, too, but Matt had never really talked to him until his sophmore year, when the bullying was at its peak. Alex was the one who rescued him from the other classmates.

"How do you like that, huh, faggot?" One boy yelled as he kicked Matt in the side.

"He must love it, a boy's touching him!" jeered another.

"Please, God, just let me die." Matt thought.

It was then that Alex had intervened.

"Hey, you two! What are you doing?" he accused, marching right up to them. The boys quickly turned on him, as well.

"Oh, look. Another fag."

Alex had quickly shut their mouths by fighting them. Matt, who had been beaten nearly senseless, had missed the whole fight. He hoped Alex gave them what-for. When he opened his eyes again, he was in the nurse's office. The nurse was tending to his wounds. Alex was sitting in a chair nearby.

"Hey. You're awake." he said.

Matt sat up. "Yeah. I guess. Where...what happened?"

"Don't worry about those boys again. I told Principal Franklin. They shouldn't bother you."

Matt half-smiled. "Thank you." he said.

"No problem." Alex smiled.

Matt bit his lip. He wanted to ask, but...

"Go ahead. Ask." Alex said, as if he could read Matt's mind.

"Um...was it true...what they said? Are you also...?"

"Gay? Yeah, I am. They have no business treating you that way. It's unforgivable." he said.

"Don't you get teased, too?" Matt asked.

Alex grimaced. "Sometimes. But...I have a pretty big family. People know not to mess with me too much or else my brother would kill them." Alex grinned.

Matt smiled. "Wish I had friends like that...hell, I wish I had friends, period."

Alex smiled back. "You can borrow my family." he laughed. "And you do have one."

"One what?"

"A friend." Alex said.

"What? Who?" Matt asked.

Alex grinned even wider. "Well, me, of course!"

Matt was released from the nurse's office a bit later that day. He knew that the boys were not going to let up. Even with his new friend in Alex, Matt wasn't sure if he could deal with the harassment...the never being good enough...being the one that no one loves...even his father had never outright told him that he loved Matt. Matt just saw himself as one of his family's biggest disappointments.

"Hey fag!" called a voice.

Matt groaned. Why on earth did he think that this would stop? Even if he was friends with Alex...that really didn't change much. The fact was, Matt was still going to be bullied and harassed by these stupid kids everyday. Apparently one punishment wasn't enough for them.

That was the second time he thought about It. While they were beating the crap out of him.

He didn't know why he didn't just act on his instinct. Maybe it was because he finally had a friend...a friend...something he had never had before. Things couldn't be all bad, right? Well...that's what he told himself anyway.

Over the Christmas holidays, Freddie tried to bond with his son. Matt found this to be not only unwanted, but sort of sardonically amusing. He'd never really cared about Matt's interests before, why on earth should he start now?

Freddie tried, bless him. He started talking about the latest fashion designs and whatnot, but he really had no idea what he was talking about. His conversations also seemed to revert to Technology or MMA fighting. In other words, things that Matt was not interested in the least about. In some way, MMA became the forefront of their conversations.

"Quite an outfit the Shelly Marx wearing this year, huh, Matt?" Freddie asked.

"Sure." Matt responded tersely.

He didn't really care. It was about MMA anyway. Matt was really uninterseted in the daughter of Shelby Marx, the girl his father used to have a cruse on.

Freddie was trying, bless him, he really was...but he seemed unable to connect with Matt as he had wanted to.

"Why don't you like MMA fighting, Matt?" his father asked him.

"Dunno." Matt responded. "I've just never found it that interesting.

On Christmas, Matt decided to come out to his family. It was at dinner when Matt decided to make his announcement.

"Um...Mom...Dad...Grandmother..." Marissa had decided to spend Christmas with them this year. Perfect.

"Yes? What is it, Matt?" Sam asked.

"Um...well...I have something I'd like to say..." he began.

"Go on, dear..." Marissa encouraged.

"I'm...gay." Matt said.

Freddie dropped his fork, and Sam looked shocked.

Marissa left immediately. She said she'd not be back anytime soon.

Freddie never said a word. He just excused himself from the table and went upstairs to his room. He didn't look Matt in the eye for the rest of Christmas vacation. His mother was no better. She just didn't communicate at all with him and stayed mainly to herself or went to go visit his aunt Carly.

The was the third time Matt considered It. And this time he came close. He started to cut. At first, just a little bit to help ease the pain. He felt that physical pain actually helped him forget his emotional pain. It was easier to deal with on the outside than on the inside. Every day seemed like a struggle to get through.

He hadn't talked to Alex in awhile. His new friend had been trying to get in contact with him, but Matt stayed at a distance. He was starting to notice things about the boy that he didn't like. Or, rather, he did like. He liked it very much. That was the problem.

He felt lost...hopeless...His father hated him, his mother probably thought he was a freak, his classmates still harassed and beat him up on a daily basis...he would never be good enough...no one loved him...

It was at that moment, thinking to himself in his bed that night, that he decided to do it.

Tomorrow. he decided. I'll say my goodbyes. Not that anyone would care.

Tomorrow came, and with it, Matt felt more depressed than he had ever done in his entire life. He wrote his final letter, his goodbye to everyone, in his bedside drawer. He'd come back for it later tonight.

He went to his classes, to keep up appearances. He wrote a separate goodbye to Alex, his personal savior. He knew that he would not ever have a friend as good as he was.

Alex had noticed something was up with Matt Benson for quite some time. He decided to approach him about it after class. Alex had decided that he would visit later tonight, after everyone was asleep. He could talk to Matt alone that way, a one-on-one, man-to-man talk. Matt didn't seem to want to say anything to him, though, as he might lose his nerve after looking into Al's seafoam green eyes.

It was 11:00 P.M. Everyone was asleep. Matt pulled out his letter and walked into the bathroom.

He opened his note and placed it on a sink for them to find later. Matt grabbed the blade he had brought with him to the bathroom and proceeded to cut his wrists. He knew that the end was coming...This one last cut would be...

"Matt?" A voice asked.

Matt froze.

"Al..."

"Wh-What're you doing?" he cried, dashing forward to pull the blade from the boy's hands.

"Al..." Matt sobbed. "I can't take it. I just can't...I'm not strong enough. I'm not like you..."

Matt collapsed onto Alex and cried. Alex then noticed how badly he had hurt him self. His wrists were badly slit, but not so much so that he couldn't be saved.

"Come on, Matty. Let's get you to a doctor." Alex said.

"No...no...I want to die..."

"You don't know what you're saying..." Alex muttered, trying his best to get the boy to follow him to the infirmary.

"I do...I'm unloved...useless...The world would probably even be better off without me..."

"Matty, don't say that! That's not true! Yes...things seem bad, yes they seem hopeless. But I promise you...Whatever it is you're thinking...Whatever it is you're feeling...It's not worth it. Understand? Life gets better. This will pass. I promise you, it gets better!"

"..."

"Matty?" Al asked.

Matt only cried. He cried and cried and cried some more. He cried. After he was spent of his tears, Matt chocked out for Alex to take him to the hospital.

Alex did just that. The doctor was able to fix him up quite well, and Alex dared not leave his side for anything. Later the next day, his father visited Matt in the hospital.

Freddie Benson was a wreck. He hadn't known how badly his son had been suffering. How could he have? There was no way he could've known.

"I'm sorry..." Freddie cried at his son's hospital bed's side. "I'm so sorry..."

"What are you sorry for?" Matt croaked out. "I'm the one who's such a dissapointment to you and Mom. I'd be better off dead." Matt cried.

"Don't ever say that!" Freddie exclaimed. "Your mother and I love you. No matter who you love, no matter who you're attracted to, no matter if you like guys or girls...we love you, and we accept you. No matter what. We weren't mad at you at all, Matt. We were just suprised." Freddie told him.

"Where's mom?" Matt asked.

Freddie ran a hand through his hair.

"She's asleep, finally. Been up half the night fraught with worry. Poor Sam. This stress can't be good for her. Or the baby."

Matt nodded his head.

"Wait...what?" Matt asked his father.

His father grinned. "You're going to be a brother. Be a good one." Freddie smiled.

And in that instance, Matt fell in love with his sibling. He knew that he would live. If not for himself, if not for his mother, or his father, than for that little baby that was going to need his or her family in his or her life. All of them.

Gay or not.

"I will, Dad. I'll be the best big brother ever." Matt grinned.

"Just promise me one thing." Freddie said.

"What's that, Dad?" Matt asked.

"If it's a boy...don't dress him up in dresses." Freddie grinned and laughed.

And Matt laughed and smiled his first genuine smile in months.

"No promises..." he said.

A/N: And there is is. Done. Fin. One-shot. REVIEW!


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